NASCAR 2000 Awards Banquet Fantasy Edition

2000 Season Fantasy Edition (NASCAR Winston Cup Series Awards Banquet @ Waldorf Astoria, New York City, December 2nd, 2000) Edit

Notes Edit

  • Curse-words will be censored out by *bleep*s.

Drivers Attending The Banquet Edit

  1. 1 Pennzoil Chevrolet (Jimmy Neutron)
  2. 2 Miller Lite Ford (Rudy Tabootie)
  3. 7 PHILLIPS Nation's Rent Chevrolet (Wanda)
  4. 8 Budweiser Chevrolet (Homer Simpson)
  5. 10 Aaron's Pontiac (Jimmy from "Ed, Edd n Eddy")
  6. 12 Mobil 1 Ford (Snap White)
  7. 16 TV Guide Ford (Buttercup Simpson)
  8. 18 Interstate Batteries Pontiac (Ed"Lumpy" Monobrow)
  9. 19 MOTOROLA Ford (Eduardo)
  10. 20 Home Depot Pontiac (Eddward "Double-D" Marion)
  11. 22 CATERPILLAR Pontiac (Sandy Cheeks)
  12. 24 DUPONT Chevrolet (Timmy Turner)
  13. 25 Michael Holigan Chevrolet (Trixie Tang)
  14. 31 LOWE'S Chevrolet (Blooreguard Q. "Bloo" Kazoo)
  15. 32 Tide Ford (Blossom Neutron)
  16. 33 Oakwood Homes Chevrolet (Mac Kazoo)
  17. 36 M&Ms Pontiac (Spongebob Squarepants)
  18. 40 Coors Light Chevrolet (Bart Simpson)
  19. 42 Bellsouth Chevrolet (Cindy Vortex)
  20. 43 STP Pontiac (Bubbles Turner)
  21. 44 Hot Wheels Pontiac (Kevin)
  22. 45 Spree/Sprint Chevrolet (Sheen Estevez)
  23. 55 Square-D Chevrolet (Stanley S. Squarepants)
  24. 71 Real Tree Chevrolet (Cosmo)
  25. 75 Dinner & A Show/Pizza Hut Ford (Patrick Star)
  26. 77 JASPER Ford (Rolf)
  27. 88 Quality Care Ford (Lisa Simpson)
  28. 94 McDonald's Ford (Squidward Tentacles)
  29. 97 John Deere Ford (Penny Sanchez)

Guest Host Of Banquet Edit

  • Matt Hill

Main Hosts Edit

  • Bob Jenkins, Benny Parsons, and Ned Jarrett (ESPN)

Special Musical Performances Edit

  • Metallica ("Fuel")
  • R5 ("All Night")
  • Jackie Evancho ("Safe And Sound") *to commemorate Eddwin Marion's loving memory*

Quotes Edit

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  • *wiki-special opens inside the Waldorf Astoria Hotel in New York City around 8:00 am, inside Edd and Jackie's hotel suite, with Edd and Jackie sleeping in bed*
  • *Edd's alarm clock strikes 8:00 am plays the radio*
  • NYC Radio broadcaster (on Edd's alarm clock): Good morning, New York City! Hope you enjoy today's ice-skating weather, because today's forecast calls for sunny skies and a temperature of 12 degrees, perfect for those who've made plans to skate in Rockfeller Plaza. The Waldorf Astoria in Manhattan will be busy this evening as the NASCAR Winston Cup Series Awards Banquet will take place there around 7:00 pm tonight, and the banquet will also congratulate Team Fastex on clinching the Team Championship--. *Jackie turns alarm clock off*
  • Jackie (softly): *gives Edd a deep kiss to wake him up* (as Edd was waking up) Time to get up, sweetie.
  • Edd (weakly): I'm awake, Turtledove. *yawns and wakes up*
  • Jackie: You know, Dubs. You are so cute when you wake up in the morning.
  • Edd: And you, Love, are MY sunshine that brightens my morning more than the actual sun each and every day!
  • Jackie: *giggles cutely and gives Edd a warm hug*
  • Edd: You know, Jackie. I really enjoyed our romance last night. It was the BEST romance I ever had in my life.
  • Jackie: And having you as my soulmate really is the best gift ever, my love.
  • Edd: I am glad we actually ENJOYED our night together. Not like Eddy and Lee Kanker. Because if Eddy and Lee were to stay in this famed Waldorf Astoria Hotel, they would've constantly ordered room service and drive the cooks crazy. (to himself) *sighs* I'm so glad Team REXCOR didn't win the Team Championship. We DESERVED to win the Team Championship, despite Bubbles' health issues, Timmy and Rudy's unsportsmanlike conduct, and Barttercup's relationship issues making disruptions during the team's long journey to the trophy.
  • Jackie: Don't worry, Hon. You won't be put up with Eddy's unsportsmanlike conduct and constant badmouthing of you until February next year.
  • Edd: And it is ABOUT TIME I get a vacation from dealing with Eddy and Team REXCOR, to spend time with my dear wife and our new dog, Shadow. It's a positive thing that our daughter, Evelyn promised to dog-sit him and her dog, Delilah at our house so Shadow can have some company. Having a golden retriever dog in our household really is the most adorable part of our family, and thanks to you and that movie I provided the voice for (in reference to the "Homeward Bound 2: Lost In San Francisco Fantasy Crossover Edition" wiki), my fear of dogs was conquered (remembering his past experience with a little dog biting his ankle in the "Ed, Edd n Eddy" episode, "Read All About Ed!"), and now I fully realize that a dog is man and woman's best friend. *Timmy knocks on the door*
  • Edd: I'll get it, Hon--.
  • Jackie (calmly): No, it's okay, Dubs. I'll get it. *kisses Edd on the cheek* *gets off the bed, goes to the door, and opens the door for Timmy*
  • Timmy: Hey whattup, Jackie! how'd you and Edd sleep last night.
  • Jackie: Me and Eddsworth slept very well last night, preparing for this evening's banquet downstairs in the Waldorf Astoria ballroom.
  • Timmy: Tell me about it, that ballroom is HUGE! They have the stage and tables set up for us, soon the paparazzi and television crews are gonna arrive to set up their equipment! Boy, tonight is gonna be a GREAT night. (in his mind) Except for the boring speeches.
  • Edd: So Tim, where's Bubbles?
  • Timmy: Bubs is taking a shower right now so she can look and smell pretty for tonight. I promised I'd shower after her, since I'm still in my Crash Nebula P.Js right now.

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  • ("The Ball" from "Shrek 2" plays in the background)
  • (scene shows an overview of NYC at night)
  • Bob Jenkins (ESPN): We are here live from the Waldorf Astoria Hotel in GLORIOUS New York City for this evening's NASCAR Winston Cup Series Awards Banquet! It is has been a very interesting Champions Week here in New York City. With a LOT of festivities. (scene fades into all the Team Fastex cars parading down Manhattan the past Monday, with big crowds waving to them as they wave and pass by) Monday, there was the traditional Victory Lap in Manhattan, which brought HUGE crowds on the sidewalks to catch glimpses at their favorite Team Fastex driver, and for The Team Fastex drivers to enjoy their joyride down the streets of Manhattan as the World Champs with confetti flying everywhere. (scene fades to Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday's events) Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday were also busy with entertainment and heartwarming moments. On Tuesday, Team Fastex were invited to NYC City Hall to receive Keys To The City for all they done for the city, and NASCAR fans everywhere. Wednesday, Team Fastex went to Children's Hospitals to cheer up and enlighten sick and injured patients, and donated some of their Team Championship prize money to charity to help doctors find the proper care for them. On Thursday morning, they held a special event for them and the fans inside Radio City Music Hall with Q&A's, comedy, and MUCH more fun activities. And that same night, Jackie Evancho, expected a ride for Team Fastex next year, performed a special "Congratulations Team Fastex" concert in Madison Square Garden, in which all of the Team Fastex drivers attended in front row seating along with all the Team Fastex fans in the audience enjoying a beautiful musical event. (scene fades to Friday night, outside the Waldorf Astoria Hotel) And now this evening will be the conclusion of Champions Week with the NASCAR Winston Cup Series Awards Banquet, a SIGNATURE holiday tradition. (scene fades to inside the huge fancy ballroom inside the Waldorf Astoria in NYC) Good evening, everyone. I'm Bob Jenkins, alongside former NASCAR Champion and race analyst, Benny Parsons, and another former NASCAR Champion and race analyst, Ned Jarrett. Guys, this evening is DEFINITELY going to be emotional AND exciting this evening, ESPECIALLY with the musical performances, the awards for the non-playoff contenders, and the famous inspirational speeches and award presentations by the Championship contenders of Team Fastex.
  • Benny Parsons (ESPN): Indeed, Bob. This special event has ALWAYS been the "closin' ceremony" of the NASCAR Winston Cup Series season, and to honor all of the drivers for their hard work, passion, and heart throughout the year, and that they all deserve a special thank you every year like this.
  • Ned Jarrett (ESPN): Indeed, cause along with the entertainment, this gives the Team Fastex drivers to REALLY show their true hearts and thank all of the fans for their eternal support throughout the season and for years to come, and to inspire more fans to get into the sport and create MORE of a major fan-base in NASCAR History.

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  • (after the slideshow of Edd's greatest and worst moments during the NASCAR Winston Cup Series Season)
  • Matt Hill (voice only / in unison the audience applauds): And now, please welcome the driver who won 3 races (Phoenix, Texas, and Dimmsdale) this season to receive his Team Championship award and along with receiving the Drivers' Championship trophy, Eddward "Double-D" Marion. *audience applauds louder as Edd takes the stage and goes to the podium, then fades into silence*
  • Edd (on the podium): Well, I guess you all make me feel younger with your applause, even though I'm getting old with liver spots. *audience laughs and fades into silence* But, that's not until I after I retire in my 50's, so I refrain to get TOO far on that, I ain't THAT old. *chuckle* *audience laughs and fades into silence* *takes a deep breath* I must say, driving in NASCAR has been a HUGE impact on my life. First, I would like to explain my backstory AND give many thanks to the people who influenced me throughout the years. I'd like to thank my parents for raising me well and always treating me fairly, nicely AND being ever-so forgiving. Why, even as a mere infant I was VERY advanced for my age. As I grew, so did my knowledge and common sense. Along the way, I made friends with two boys who I found shared the same name as me. You all know Ed, lovable Oaf. A slow-witted, but COMICAL character who's always fun to be around. Least when his behavior is NOT destructive. UNFORTUNATELY, the other person whom I can't believe I was friends with for many years was that dreadful, manipulative, lying, no-good, self-caring swindler...Eddy McRich. Not only would he always do evil, villainous antics such as scam innocent civilians for their money or plot revenge on anyone who angered him...he was BORN EVIL! I remember meeting him and Ed when we were infants. But one day, we LITERALLY got lost in flashbacks (reference to the EENE episode, "Every Which Way But Ed") and in an attempt for me to forget I met them AND to gain quarters from me, he had Ed slam a house onto me! ME! As a YOUNG INFANT! It's a miracle I survived AND remembered when my memory re-collaborated. He also did many WORSE things after that. Why, he's THE REASON the Kanker Sisters would ambush us every chance they got. And why? He was CONSIDERATE of us making ourselves at home in their trailer. I KNEW something was strange about them bringing us home to their trailer and dressing us in their 3 fathers' robes! He would even get ME in dreadful melee AND cause the rest of our cul-de-sac civilians to inflict physical harm on me. *takes deep breath* I thought I would be wallowing in misery forever being STUCK with him...until I met my soon-would-be wife...Jackie Evancho. *gulps all choked up* *audience applauds and fades into silence* I remember first seeing her on "America's Got Talent" and I found myself.... IN LOVE. I never thought I would ACTUALLY meet her.... but I DID. And she loved me the same way. *tears up, cups his hand on his face, and gasps bittersweetly, the audience applauds and cheers for him, then fades into silence* Jackie is THE REASON my whole world looked up. She's given me support. Support that includes love, bravery, honesty, nobility--, *lets out a little sob, and cups his face with his hand* *the audience cheers and applauds for him, then fades into silence*... TRUE friendship, and care. Traits that Eddy himself lacks SEVERELY, she helped me see THE TRUTH in Eddy and prove to me what REAL friends are. My turn on Eddy is what gained me FULL respect from the rest of the cul-de-sac kids whom I'm proud to call.... REAL, TRUE friends. *sniffles* She encouraged me to STAND UP to Eddy, and I did. Me and Jackie were FORCED to move to the Island Of Sodor to escape the dangerous Eddy from attempting to end me and Jackie's lives. We even defeated him when he.... *sad gulp*.... was paid by Team REXCOR's Garner Rexton to go to Sodor and team up with Diesel 10 in order to end us THERE along with Team Fastex drivers Ed Monobrow, *sad gasps* and Timmy Turner, and our clumsy but lovable friend, Ignazio., in which they were fortunately unsuccessful. We also managed to unlock the source of the Conductor family gold dust and save the Magic Railroad, in which *sniffles* my Jackie did the final touch by tossing the magical shavings along with wishing-well water to unlock the source and form an excessive amount of gold dust. *wipes tears from his eyes* Jackie sings in the most BEAUTIFUL voice that warmly serenades me AND others to sleep, and to heal my mental wounds having to do with my personal issues and from bad races I had. She was the SUNSHINE I was missing in my life. And marrying her while nerve-wracking ended up being THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE. So I thank HER and her family not to mention her sister, Juliet who hit Eddy in the face with her purse for INFAMOUS lies he fed me to make me think Jackie was "setting me up" on a date. Her dog, Maggie...*sniffles* who I'm afraid is no longer with us...(tears up and wipes his eyes) *voice crack* lifted my fear of dogs after a run-in I had with a small, but troublesome dog thanks to Eddy who ordered excessive amounts of newspapers needed for delivery. As for the poor Pomeranian dog...we gave Maggie a proper burial AND tribute. She was THE dog equivalent to my brother I only knew for a short time...Eddwin Marion! (cries briefly) Despite all the bullying he went through all throughout his life, Eddwin had shown TRUE heart and determination, and what it TRULY means to be a fierce competitor and a kind loving man off the track. His ONLY Busch Series win in Middleton really inspired me, Jackie, and her family, and we celebrating in the pits when he crossed the start-finish line to win his ONLY event.... *sad gulp* before... *sadly pants*... before... h-h-he PERISHED in a fatal accident Busch Series race in Citiesville thanks to Vicky The Babysitter, who rammed him. *sobs a little, and takes deep breath* I was a complete wreck that evening after the event I competed in in Ponyville. Jackie did her BEST trying to comfort me the night I found out about his demise, showing to me what Eddy would never to do to me, and that is showing love, understanding, and deep sympathy. *scene cuts to the table where Jackie, her's and Edd's families were sitting*
  • Jackie (in her mind / emotionally / in tears): He has the BEST way with words.... this is from his HEART... *sniffles* *scene cuts to Edd on the podium*
  • Edd (on the podium): Getting to my career in the NASCAR Winston Cup Series season... *takes deep breath*... I was fortunate enough to collect 4 NASCAR Winston Cup Series wins (Phoenix, Texas, Dimmsdale & Atlanta/Fall). The journey to clinching the NASCAR Winston Cup Series Team Championship for Team Fastex.... *tearful gulp*... wasn't at all easy. There had been some races I struggled at, crashed in, and there were sometimes more downs than ups. *takes deep breath* But all it mattered to me was giving it MY ALL, helping my dear friends & teammates, and getting us to the promised land of the NASCAR Universe. My most EMOTIONAL win of the year... WAS the KWIK-E-MART 500 at Texas Motor Speedway.... being that it was the first time I took it to the racetrack since my brother Eddwin's fatal accident in Citiesville. *sad gasps* I REALLY miss him DEARLY.... *sadly sniffles and takes deep breath* but a WIN in that said event... *tearful gulp*... REALLY meant a lot to him, mine and Jackie's families, and to ALL of Team Fastex. *audience applauds & cheers and fades into silence* Since making the playoffs.... I gave it MY ALL to get to the top, battling multiple obstacles. *takes deep breath* My incredible win in Homestead-Miami Speedway (in reference to the "2000 Buzz Cola 400 Fantasy Edition" wiki) WAS the one that got me to do battle with the evil former school teacher and Team REXCOR's, Denzel Crocker for the Team Championship. After injuring my ankle AND foot during mid-week tire testing at Atlanta Motor Speedway prior to the NAPA 500 that weekend, I thought that everything we all lived for was over.... until my wife, Jackie.... takes a deep breath... decided to be my fill-in driver for the race and she managed to put my #20 Home Depot Pontiac on pole-position. All I had to do was START the race to guarantee my scoring in the final battle of the season. After getting knocked around by Crocker and his REXCOR teammates late in the race... I had managed to tell Jackie over the #20 team radio that I MUST drive the rest of the way, because I KNEW Crocker's dirty moves and all of REXCOR's dirty tactics to win the Team Championship. At first Jackie resisted, fearing that Dr. Libby Fassler didn't clear me to race longer than the beginning of the event. I told Jackie.... that it was FOR THE TEAM. So Jackie RELUCTANTLY agreed with me. *takes a deep breath* I was fortunate enough to catch a late-race caution with 23 laps to go to climb back in my #20 Home Depot Pontiac with Jackie quickly assisting me with fastening my seatbelts. I made it out JUST IN TIME before more than enough cars passed me on pit-road. *takes a deep breath* When the green flag went in the air for the final time of the 2000 NASCAR Winston Cup Series season, I quickly moved up in the field. Since Team REXCOR used underhanded tactics to allow Crocker to pass Jackie for the lead before the final caution came out, my teammates used the SAME underhanded tactic they used on Jackie to CROCKER to OUTSMART Team REXCOR giving me the lead of the race. *takes a deep breath* As the laps wound down, I was running for MY LIFE away from the field. Suddenly.... my foot AND ankle began to ACHE and feel pain. *takes deep breath* Crocker and the other 3 REXCOR drivers in the 11-car lead pack behind me sensed it and decided to use that as an advantage to go ALL OUT to get me and get Crocker to pass me for the win and the Team Championship. Luckily, 6 Team Fastex drivers were in the 11-car lead pack out of a 43-car field, outnumbering Team REXCOR by 1 vehicle. All Team Fastex had to do was keep Crocker from gaining ground on me and keep him behind me. The 4 REXCOR drivers in that pack didn't want ANY part of the teamwork of Team Fastex. *takes deep breath* So Timmy Turner, Lisa Simpson, Rudy Tabootie, Ed Monobrow, and Barttercup played "hockey" with the REXCOR drivers containing Denzel Crocker who HAD to beat me for the team title, Princess Morebucks, Eddy McRich, Bubble Bass, and Sheldon J. Plankton in order to keep Crocker behind me to clinch Team Fastex the Team Championship. It felt like more of the "Miracle On Ice" to me. *takes a deep breath* I was ACHING IN PAIN more and more pushing the accelerator with my injured foot. I wanted to stop.... I couldn't drive anymore.... but I had done SO MUCH for the team and couldn't let Team Fastex go out of business to the malevolent Garner Rexton, so I found a special inner-strength inside me to help. With the help of my faithful, trusty teammates knocking Team REXCOR around, I managed to WIN the race and clinch us the Team Championship in DRAMATIC fashion. That Team Championship was not only for Team Fastex.... but for the WORLD as well. *audience cheers and applauds and fades into silence* It was not only a great race for those whom witnessed it.... but for those whom COMPETED in it. *takes a deep breath* The 2000 NASCAR Winston Cup Series finale at Atlanta Motor Speedway TRULY had inspired everyone and had taught the whole world what it TRULY means to BE on a team, and to WORK like a team, and to show what TRUE teamwork is all about. *scene cuts to Jack Fassler, and some Team Fastex drivers tearing up, then back at Edd on the podium* That race meant a WHOLE lot to me, and including all those whom I love the most. *scene cuts to more Team Fastex drivers tearing up, then back at Edd* *still teary-eyed / sniffles* Lastly, I would also give many thanks to my uncle, Denny Hamlin. Without him, I wouldn't be part of NASCAR OR Team FASTEX. Plus, thanks to him AND Mr. Jack Fassler the proud owner of Team FASTEX, many of my friends I've made with over the years are allowed to drive at early ages as well. I not only thank Mr. Jack Fassler, but the ENTIRE crew of Team Fastex. And that includes, my friends who are also my fellow drivers AND teammates... Mr. Fassler, you have been very kind and understanding to me, and your heart, passion, determination, inspiration, and wisdom will always live in my heart, and the hearts of everybody on Team Fastex. *audience cheers and applauds, and fades into silence*. Being in the sport of NASCAR has showed me to be THE heart of Team FASTEX. And why is that? Because I keep the peace together when our team gets heated with each other...I explain THE BEST way to resolve conflicts AND how we must ALWAYS play fair and safe in NASCAR driving without the urge of reckless driving. Lastly...I thank the loyal fans of Team FASTEX for all of their LOYAL support and outpouring of love for me, my family, Team Fastex, and making me feel that I am home. So *bittersweet gasps* (in a sobbing way) from the bottom of my heart... I really wanted to say, thank you all for making, me, my family, and Team Fastex... feel like family, and this is YOUR award we share with you! God Bless you all! Thank you! *sobs bittersweetly while covering face, and the audience erupts in LOUD cheers and applause and give him a HUGE standing ovation, scene cuts to Edd and Jackie's families standing, crying and applauding, then some Team Fastex drivers standing, crying and applauding, then the Team Fastex crew standing, crying and applauding, scene cuts to Edd* *Edd gives a tearful, spiritual smile to the audience, and Bill France Sr gives him his award and hugs him for his most inspirational speech of the evening* *Edd exits the stage, as the audience fades into silence and sits down*
  • Jackie (crying): That was beautiful, dear!  *hugs Edd and kisses him on the cheek in tears* I'm so proud of you! You made me and everyone cry in happiness!
  • Edd (in unison, Jackie nuzzles his cheek / in tears): Bless you, Jackie. I didn't even need to WRITE the speech. It was improvised. It's thanks to you I was comfortable on-stage with no stage fright! *kisses Jackie on the cheek*
  • Matt Hill (voice only): Next to receive the Team Championship award is a tough Texas native who has won 1 race in the whole season but STILL managed to put on a great season. *scene transitions to the tron that shows Sandy Cheeks' win at Las Vegas and her best and worst moments of the season* Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, the driver who won 1 race this season, receiving her Team Championship award, Sandy Cheeks. *audience applauds for Sandy as she took the stage, and fades into silence as Sandy went to the podium*

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  • (scene fades to Edd & Jackie's fancy hotel room, with Edd and Jackie in bed)
  • Jackie: Eddward, I'm proud of you and all of Team FASTEX for your fair play, good sportsmanship and EVERYTHING Team REXCOR isn't. You also gave a BRAVE, BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL and HEART-WARMING speech! Something NOBODY from Team REXCOR would NEVER have done! And THAT'S why we enjoyed our wonderful evening over at the NASCAR Awards Banquet!
  • Edd: Thank you, my dear. Why, the entire Banquet was certainly in tears from my speech, I'm actually proud of myself too! I'll be sure to keep my Drivers' Championship trophy in a safe and sanitary place AND keep my speech typed up on paper to keep in a laminated frame to remember this commemorative evening. AND, Keep in mind, you've done a lot to help Team FASTEX as well! Such as filling in for me when I fell injured (referring to the "2000 NAPA 500 Fantasy Edition" wiki) or being my crew chief to get me through the dreaded experience of driving on the track in Citiesville where my brother...*sniffles*...perished...*sniffles* *sad gasps* (referring to the "2000 Chum Bucket 500 Fantasy Edition" wiki) I just wish he could have been alive to see us accept our awards LIVE on television...
  • Jackie: Oh, hon. I'm sure Eddwin DID see! From up in Heaven, where he's always living in happiness and beautiful scenery! He probably was in tears hearing my tribute to his memory. 
  • Edd: *sniffles* Thank you, dear. You sung BEAUTIFULLY as always and you ALWAYS know what to say to assure me. As for the awards, Ed certainly made a humorous scene, when he was awarded his trophy and started dancing around with his trophy after his funny, but heart-touching speech shouting his various Ed-isms like (imitating Ed like in the EENE episode, "Mirror, Mirror on the Ed") "I HAVE ACHIEVED GREATNESS!" [as himself] or [imitating Ed again like in the same EENE episode] "HI, MOM!"
  • Jackie: *giggles* Or what about Bart after HIS heartfelt speech doing that dance while shouting, trying to get everyone to sing, (imitating Bart) "Everybody if you can, do the Bart man!"
  • Edd: Then there was Snap who accepted his award with the rest of the group of non-Championship contenders of Team Fastex, and asked if anyone wanted his autograph when he got off the stage with the rest of them!
  • Jackie: And Buttercup who shouted after HER heartfelt speech (imitating Buttercup) "Yeah! Who do you love?!"
  • Edd: *snickers* Honestly, as proud as I am of our great team, sometimes I wish some of our teammates could hold back on their big egos. Thankfully, they still have more heart than ANYONE from Team REXCOR!
  • Jackie: I'm glad they weren't around for the NASCAR Awards Banquet! They would have ruined EVERYTHING!
  • Edd: Let's not forget that poor play and sportsmanship AREN'T what Team FASTEX is! Not to mention their HORRENDOUS and UN-ADULT name-calling!
  • Jackie: Speaking of which, dear, in all the years and all season that Eddy and the rest of Team REXCOR called you "Sockhead", I've never seen AND always wondered, what is ACTUALLY underneath your hat, love?
  • Edd: *gulps nervously and slowly begins to sweat* Pardon...?
  • Jackie: Dear, it looks like you're hiding something. Is it about what's under your hat?
  • Edd: *sighs* I'm afraid so, hon. I've never shown another living soul...well, except for Ed and that person I used to call a friend, Eddy unintentionally twice. (referring to the EENE episode, "Stop, Look and Ed" and the movie, "Ed, Edd 'N' Eddy's Big Picture Show")
  • Jackie: Could I see? ...Please?
  • Edd (sweating profusely): R-r-r-right n-n-now?! I-I-I-I d-d-d-don't kn-kn-kn-kn-know my-d-d-d-d-dear...!!
  • Jackie: But why not, Eddward?
  • Edd: It's too...HIDEOUS to see!
  • Jackie: *horrified gasp* Dear, no matter what it is, I would NEVER NOR WILL EVER find you hideous! Please, as your wife, please show me what is under your hat. I will be TRULY strong and accepting of the truth! And your secret will be safe with me! I TRULY with ALL MY HEART, PROMISE to NEVER tell anybody! Furthermore, I'll even help you with your problem!
  • Edd: *sighs* Ok, my dear. Very well.
  • (Edd slowly reveals to Jackie what is underneath his hat)
  • Jackie: *sadly gasps in horror, and put her hands on her cheeks as she saw Edd's baldness underneath his hat*
  • Jackie (in tears / calmly / feeling VERY sorry for him): Eddward, dear, please lower your voice and calm down. *shushes him calmly* It's ok, dear.
  • Edd (bald / extremely sad and frightened: *slowly but surely, calming down for HYSTERICALLY crying): Oh, Turtledove...! How can you tell me it's ok...?! Having no hair is a tragedy! Ever since I was born, I could NEVER grow any hair EXCEPT for the THREE HAIRS! When I was a few mere years older, my parents told me I have a condition that keeps me from growing hair and have had me wear the hat even when I was a small infant! (as shown in the EENE episode, "Every Which Way, But Ed") Why, back then, I didn't even have the three hairs until a few years later! Of course, Homer has no hair, excluding the mere few hairs HE has and his wife loves him, BUT HE'S MIDDLE-AGED! I still have years of youth ahead of me! How can I walk PUBLICLY around with a bald head in my youth?! *sobs quietly*
  • Jackie (calmly / hugging Edd tight / softly to him): Eddward, please, calm down. Just because you're bald, doesn't mean you're not the same kind-hearted, caring young man I fell in love with. *Edd emits another cry, but Jackie calmly shushes him calmly while STILL nuzzling his cheek to calm him down*
  • Edd (bald / sadly): *sad gasp (as he did in the EENE episode, "Fa, La, La, La, Ed")*
  • Jackie (calmly confessing to Edd deeply / heartfelt / explaining all the kind things Edd done for her): You've done so many kind and thoughtful things for me. You helped me to ignore what those haters that are the Kanker Sisters what they think of me when they thought I wasn't real and made fun of the beauty marks on my neck, calling them polka-dots! (reference to the MC&TTTTWF episode, "You Hurt My Eds!"), you gave it YOUR ALL to give me a PERFECT birthday despite Eddy filling you with fear that I was setting you up, but I healed your shattered heart (reference to the MC&TTTTWF episode, "Kahun-Ed"). Picked me up when I was stranded thanks to Eddy and his Uncle Vinnie while my folks, Mr. Conductor, Timmy and his fairies were unable to help me home! (reference to the MC&TTTTWF episode, "Picking Up is Hard to Do") And you helped me heal my mental wounds with Eddy, just like I did with YOUR problems with Eddy! (reference to the MC&TTTTWF episode, "Heav-Ed's Light") Hat or no hat, bald or not bald, I STILL love you forever and you will ALWAYS have my love regardless of everything.
  • Edd: (bald / thankful / inspired / still in tears): Y-y-y-you're right, Jackie! Just because I'm bald, doesn't make me ANY different from the person I was BEFORE I showed you my REAL head! I love you so much, turtledove! *Jackie kindly opens er arms to hug Edd, and they both hug tightly and lovingly*

Quote 25 Edit

  • Jackie (calmly and kindly / while hugging Edd): Awwww... you're very welcome, my noble Double-D. *kisses a bald Edd on the cheek* Now since you told me what was bothering you for many years, I can really help you with your bald problem since you, along with Ed, saved my life from Eddy and Diesel 10 last year before the season started in February of this year. Me helping you with your bald problem, is my special way of saying thank you for all you have done for me, and ESPECIALLY saving my life from the evil Eddy and Diesel 10 while we were engaged (in reference to the "Thomas And The Magic Railroad Fantasy Crossover Edition" wiki).
  • Edd (bald / in tears): Bless you, dear! I'm THANKFUL to have you! *hugs Jackie*
  • Jackie (calmly and kindly): Awwww... thank you, Eddsworth. I know EXACTLY what can cure the under-the-hat problem.
  • Edd (bald / in tears): You do? What can cure my hat dilemma, Jackie?
  • Jackie (calmly and kindly): You need... HAIR.
  • Edd (bald / in tears): *sniffles* I'd love to do so, Jackie. But my scalp never had the ability to grow hair other than my 3 hairs that usually sticks out of my hat. *sniffles*
  • Jackie (calmly and kindly): Don't worry, sweetie. Your scalp will have the ability to grow hair in NO TIME, because all you need... is a hair tonic.
  • Edd (bald / in tears / in horror): *gasps* Don't tell me it's that evil tower in the Middle Of Nowhere in which their hair tonic is dangerous to the public?! (referring to the hair institute in the "Courage The Cowardly Dog" episode, "Hothead")
  • Jackie (calmly and kindly): *hugs Edd* No, no, no, no Dubs.... *shushes him calmly* That evil place was shut down by the Nowhere Police Department after it was revealed to have dangerous chemicals in the tonic. Those evil people who built that hair institute and provided the dangerous chemicals in the hair tonic were jailed for life.
  • Edd (bald / in tears): *sighs in relief*
  • Jackie (calmly and kindly): You remember my cousin who we saw at the wedding (in reference to the wiki-special, "I Now Pronounce You Ed And Wife") and a few races you raced in? (referring to both Daytona races, Phoenix, both Atlanta races, Ponyville, Peach Creek, Springfield, the spring Richmond race, Charlotte, and Homestead)
  • Edd (bald / in tears): Of course, Jackie. I know him. *sniffles*
  • Jackie (calmly and kindly): He owns and works at a special non-toxic hair tonic place called "Hair Nation". And he can REALLY help you with your bald problem. The place was in the newspapers and it was rated as the "BEST Hair Tonic Place In The World". That place ran for 5 years now, and there were NEVER any angry customers. That place was successful right from the start. Here, allow me to show you. *shows Edd the "Hair Nation" ad on her cellphone*
  • Edd (bald / in tears): That place really sounds intriguing. B-B-But I hope your cousin takes me in. *sniffles*
  • Jackie (calmly and kindly): Awwwww..... don't worry, Dubs. He WILL take you in. I GURANTEE it. To make you feel better, I am going to give him a call.
  • Edd (bald / in tears): Gee, Jackie. A tad late don't you think?
  • Jackie (calmly and kindly): Don't worry, Edd. I am sure he is still up. I'll give it a try. *dials her cousin's number and waits for him to answer*
    • Jackie's cousin chatters on the phone*
  • Jackie: Hey cuz. Sorry if I am calling this late--. *Jackie's cousin chatters on the phone* Wait, you WERE about to call me? *Jackie's cousin chatters on the phone* Oh, thank you for congratulating me and Edd on our inspiring speeches, and congratulating me for receiving my new ride for next year as Mr. Fassler presented it on the stage with a ceremonial cover removal (foreshadowing her #48 LOWE'S "Power & Pride Chevrolet). How's Kare-Bear doing? (referring to Karen from "Frosty The Snowman") Did she see it? *Jackie's cousin chatters on the phone* Oh thank you, cuz! I am glad Karen's heart was touched as well. I DID break down and cry in happy tears and hugged Mr. Fassler and Team Fastex when my ride for next year was revealed. That was a GREAT ending to the show. *Jackie's cousin chatters on the phone* *giggles* Thank you. Anyway, I called you to ask you, are you working tomorrow? *Jackie's cousin chatters on the phone* Oh, thank you. Because I am bringing my husband to you tomorrow for a hair tonic appointment. *Jackie's cousin chatters on the phone* Yes, that is WHY he always wore a hat, and after he revealed it to me, I had the idea of helping him out by bringing him to see you so you can help him with his bald problem. You think it'll be possible. *Jackie's cousin chatters on the phone* *relieved sigh* Oh ,thank you! Double-D would LOVE to hear that. *Jackie's cousin chatters on the phone* Y-Y-You want to talk to him? *Jackie's cousin chatters on the phone* Of course! I'll put him on now. *hands the phone to Edd*
  • Edd (bald / in tears): Hello, Eddward, Double-D speaking. *Jackie's cousin chatters on the phone* Y-Y-Y-You WILL help me with my bald problem?! *Jackie's cousin chatters on the phone* OH , THANK YOU!!! THANK YOU!!! What time shall we be there at your place? *Jackie's cousin chatters on the phone* 1:00 pm tomorrow, we'll be there! *Jackie's cousin chatters on the phone* Oh, Bless you SO MUCH! I will look like a whole-new Double-D with my new hair, and I won't have to wear a hat for the remainder of my life. *Jackie's cousin chatters on the phone* We'll see you at 1:00 pm, cuz. *Jackie's cousin chatters on the phone* Goodbye, cuz.

Trivia Edit

  • This is the last episode of the entire "NASCAR 2000 Fantasy Edition" wiki-series.

Waldorf Astoria NYC Hotel & Banquet Edit